Still Struggling

You would think after all these years that all that nasty business would be behind me. Maybe it would be if someone had listened and cared.

Currently I live in another country. Why would I do that you ask. First of all my parents both died while I was in my 20’s. I have no siblings. My four daughters and I estranged. Funny word..

Why are we estranged? Well to tell you the truth, I’m not sure.

As I had said before things with my marriage were not good. I knew they were not good, but I didn’t feel I had a choice. You see I never had any back-up when something went wrong in my life. My parents had this annoying habit of saying”What did you do”. So I

stopped telling them anything. When hte abuse started I did tell my parents. but their response or should I say my mother’s response was “Learn to be quite”. So I did. to them.

We moved to California when I was pregnant with my second child. No, not planned. Taking birth control, but it happened. He had no job, I was pregnant and was desperate. My best friend had moved to California and said how wonderful it was, so we packed up and went to California.

She said we could stay with her, but she forgot to tell me that she was divorcing her husband. We had no money, only unemployment. He had come out first to find a job, but didn’t really look. He was to busy partying. I was back in New York with my son and my parents. That was awful.

so I came to California five months pregnant. It was very lonely. And trouble started not soon after we arrived. We found an apartment way out in no mans land because it was cheap. My daughter was born and I had no one close. I don’t remember what exactly happened, but I called the police. He had hit me was terrifying me and I called 911. I hung up the phone, but the police traced the call and came to our apartment. I told them everything was ok I guess because they left. What was I going to do. I had no one close, I was 3,000 miles from my parents and I had no money.

We moved to a little house closer to my friend. That was ok. But we were evicted when my son picked pers from their tree.

I suggested we go look at the houses that were being sold under the GI bill. He was a vet so we bought a house. A little house but it was new and it was ours.

We had lots of fights. Mostly screaming and yelling. He would break things,throw chairs kicked in the wall heater, stuff like that.

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