Happy Spring

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s trial has raised some issue for me regarding domestic violence.

Not that Easter is a big holiday for me, nonetheless it is upsetting that I faced another holiday alone.

I guess I am returning to my first reason for writing this blog; to find other survivors of domestic violence.

As it turned out my eldest daughter phoned me Easter morning. She suggested taking a train to Oceanside from San Diego and she take a train down and met in Oceanside for lunch.

As she had awoken me, I was still not with it. Finding the train schedule and fares were not as easy as it sounded. First of all there are three trains to choose from. All going in the same direction but with different time tables, different destinations and different fares. There is adult and senior which are not the same. One is discounted,so if you selected adult, you then saw the senior selection. But alas it’s too late to change!! Also the trolley and buses leave from this station. Getting to the train station was not any clearer as to which train and where to board it as the online schedule. Even the “helper” couldn’t help with where the coaster leaves. I did finally, along with another couple who happen to be going to the same destination, board the correct train!!

I did speak with my middle daughter a day later and in conversation she disclosed she in fact went to one of my youngest daughters home for Easter, which had her father there for the holiday. Now this is the kind of shit that drives me nuts. The holidays have always been a very, very touchy subject.

My ex is going thru another divorce. He lives in some kind of retirement place. I really don’t care to know. And it is so hurtful that he has holidays with my kids and I don’t.

I guess I wonder how other women that were in an abusive marriage or relationship and you still have that person in your life manage.

It drives me nuts. I want him out of my life. I have tried therapy. I can’t afford the therapy., I need for domestic violence.,just writing about it makes me feel bad.,it’s like this is a big secret. When you do disclose, it usually just feels bad.

I remember when I was in Cambodia I was at my friends bar/gallery and the bar owner and I were smoking a blunt and he asked what happened with my marriage. I said it was abusive. He went ballistic. Telling me that’s bullshit etc. I was shocked. It’s crazy the reaction you get. It’s like it’s my fault and how dare I say such a thing. I never really talked with him again.

It’s like I can’t say it. And if I do, there is something wrong with that. That was a man’s reaction. I have had the women reaction as “I would never allow any man to hit me” I would be gone immediately. Needless to say it’s better to keep your abuse history to yourself. Even family say stupid things.

I really hate it. When I first was divorced it was really difficult. I had to quit college and go back to work full time at some shitty government job. I did finally finish college and received my BA in Social Science. whoops it only took me almost 20 years. What a joke. Then I went back to get my Special Education