Climate Change is at critical point and we have a crazy man waging a war!!!!

I can not believe that Putin is so completely blind to the planet earth. He is waging 20th century war in the twenty first century!!!

We just lived thru a world-wide pandemic for over two years and this Neanderthal is bombing and killing thousands and thousands of people. Men, women and children. And for what??? How can people be so completely oblivious to humankind.

Sad. The world should be working together to tackle the worlds problems. People are starving on this planet and more are going to. We are living under the fear of nuclear war, World War 111.

How fucking stupid. Uprooting families, upsetting the whole world. So he can be a czar again. How much money and power does one man need.?

We have to fight climate change now!!! And now the world has to turn our attention on War. Makes me so sad. Violence. Crazy.

Well the earth can be saved!!

But I have immersed myself in tv. Not any tv , documentaries on nature. It’s been inspiring!!

I was so depressed about Putin and the war and drumpt and his crazy followers that I just wanted to run.

The Colorado river is now connected to the sea of Cortez because these biologists on Earth-A new Wild. the engineers release water from the Glen Dam. it now is thriving with wild birds and fish!!! We can reverse the damage. This damage happened over a decade, just a decade it dried up due to mismanagement and it was corrected! There is hope!

Trump and his minions have to be taken down. Our democracy depends on it!!

There is so much big money in these games of politics, it almost like watching a horse race. The manuverning that is going on is mind blowing.

The dark money. The Ms Mercer and peter Theil, the Koch brothers or brother now. I think David died. If drumpt gets re-elected we are screwed.

Great article in The NY Times. I will attach it here.

Another “special” person.

Gianni Thomas, the wife of Clarence Thomas the Supreme Court justice is a Qanon nut case.

The crazy conspiracy theories rolled into evangelical Christian’s and you get Gianni Thomas. Yikes. She wants to have her “great” president drumpt back in the saddle. You can’t make this stuff up.

So we have a former president that refuses to acknowledge that he lost!!! So he gets all the yahoos that think he is the second coming to break into the capital, the seat of the United states

There is a war in Ukraine with another dictator killing thousands of men, women and children!!! They are killing children. And we have Fox News broadcasting to their brain dead audience that Russia is good, and drumpt thinking he is a genius.

Trying meditation

I have started meditation trying to connect to the universe. Things are still pretty shaky with my family, so going beyond myself helps.

Whenever I feel sad or angry about how things have worked out, it’s the time to put in all perspective.

My youngest children were twins. They were very young when I left their father. I had three older children. So I had been in a bad situation a long time. Just naive I guess. I meet my ex when I was sixteen. Still in high school. He just out of the army after two years.

Anyway, my oldest, my son knew what went on. He knew and someday he could explain to the younger ones. But he was murdered. So that was gone. I hate being classified as a victim. I am a survivor. So it really gets me that my children, women, don’t get it. Sad, oh well. Nothing I can do but reach out to other survivors. Haven’t found any yet. I was sure there would be women out there that ran into guys that were nasty. Thought nothing if shoving around women. It’s awful.

Living in a world gone upside down!!

Ukraine is living thru this horrific attack on their countries land and people. It’s hard to separate the horror and us living in the USA.

These are scary times. we live under the threat of nuclear war. That crazy Russian wants to be the Czar. Yes Ukraine was part of the Russ empire and the capital was in Kiev!! But the Ukrainians have been free if Russia for over thirty years. They don’t want to be part of corrupt Putin Russia.

How sad can you imagine packing your suitcase. Taking you children and driving to another country, (I guess maybe Mexico or Canada) leaving behind your life,. Your house, your job, your stuff!!! Gone! Poof!!

Then we have our own crazies in our country. Ginny thompson, the wife of creepy Justice Thomas on the Supreme Court was at the January 6th insurrection to overthrow the election of President Biden and replace him with that piece of garbage (trump). she called Mark Meadows, drumpts chief of staff snd wanted to save our country!!!! These conservative, federalist society nut cases want drumpt to be out dictator!!!

I don’t know which is worse. Fighting a war with a dictator and authoritarian or having one leading our country. It’s all so frightening.

The human race has been at war since the beginning of humanity. I am sure the only occurrence that will stop these evil people in their tracks will be visitors from other planets. It’s impossible that we are alone in this universe. We started seeing ufo’s around the same time as the bomb drop on nagishoke and Hiroshima l, Japan to put an end to ww11. they probably said “what the f are those humans doing!!”

Here in sunny San Diego,Ca

I have an apartment in downtown San Diego. I am sitting on my patio.

I can walk down six blocks and I am on the Embarcadero!! It’s great. A little walk and I am at Seaport Village.

Here the cruise ships dock at the harbor. The sightseeing ships are here to board. all kinds of places to eat. Sit on the bench and people watch.


Jump in the car go six miles and I am at Mission Beach!!!

My time in Puerto Vallarta

Actually I left for Cancun with my friend mike. Same mike I went to Thailand with six years ago. We arrived late into Cancun. The airport is very difficult to get reasonably charged taxi. Finally we found the buses going into playa del Carmen. The buses in Mexico are big, comfortable, air conditioned and have internet. It’s a great ride. And priced modestly. $17 for a ride from Cancun to Playa del Carmen. We arrived in Playa late at night and had taxi drive us to hotel. It was awful but doable for the night. I must admit I really didn’t feel safe. So in the morning we found a hotel right off 5th Av. What a fifth Avenue!!! The stores were all the high end stores. Not that I wanted ti shop in them, but was very surprised. And the weather was hit. Really hit snd humid. Did not like the heat at all, but it was July!!!

It had beautiful beaches on the Caribbean. It was quite beautiful and we had a nice, reasonable hotel with a great balcony overlooking the entrance to 5th Av.

It was entirely to hot for me and I made the decision to move on. I took a taxi to the bus station to catch flight out of Cancun to Guadalajara.

I stayed in Guadalajara for a few days. I took a bus to a enclave of American retirees, but the town didn’t seem very exciting and I took the bus back to Guadalajara. Guadalajara is a big city with great transportation system, which I got lost taking!! the city has lots of history and culture. But it wasn’t for me. So I took a five hour bus ride to Puerto Vallarta.

The trip was beautiful, traveling thru the jungle and coming into PV. Only it was pouring rain as I took a taxi from the bus station. I thought it was a hurricane!!! When I arrived at the hotel it was pounding rain. The cab driver didn’t help me get out my suitcases, so I dragged them up four or five steps into the hotel. I was drenched. As the receptionist asked for information I realized I left my phone in the taxi!!!

Now I am upset. I get the key to my room, which was a lovely spot close to the pool snd bar. To get my bearings and smoke a cigarette I sat outside at the tables close to the bar. A guy came over and said hello and he was American!!! Not only was he American as I found out while chit chatting, he was from California. From San Diego, from where I have lived in San Diego for 27 years!!! He went to the same university in North County and grad school at the same university!!! Wow!! How weird is that. His wife is from Spain, so she was totally lost with our conversation. It was absolutely the best thing that could of happened to me arriving alone in a foreign city!! Besides calling my phone snd having the taxi driver answer!!! He returned my phone the next day fir the price of the taxi fare. Which was so very nice snd stress reducing!!!

Needless to say they became my quick friends. I moved out of the hotel to an air bnb and I found they had moved closer to where I was and I was thrilled.

Where Have I Been

Well I left Puerta Vallarta and returned to the states at the end of October. Back in San Diego. Living downtown, close to the Harbor.

It s fine. I am pretty disappointed with the division within my country. I am very upset with the invasion of the Ukraine by Russia.

Vladimir Putin is a criminal. He is an ex kBG agent. He has surrounded himself with other KgB agents. What he is doing in Ukraine he will continue to do if he is not stopped. He mission is to destroy the west. He thinks he is a Czar!!

It’s March 31,2020. The world is in the midst of a global pandemic.  I am in the United States. California to be exact. I am currently in rive

Only 100 days on my FMM card instead of 180!!

When I went thru immigration in Cancun, Mexico I was unaware that the immigration agent can write what ever the amount of time to allow you to stay in Mexico, not exceeding 180 days.

I did not realize what that I guessed 100 written across my FMM meant I had 100 days not the usual 180 days. Fir that matter I had no idea what an FMM was. What it is

This was suppose to be a blog about women who are lost due to previous domestic violence.

When I started this blog is was suppose reach women. Women that had been caught in domestic violence when there wasn’t a word for domestic violence.

I came from a time where no one acknowledged batters. There were no women’s shelters. No such thing as DV and no police protection. It was considered a family affair. To be worked out within the family and you didn’t hang out your dirty wash. You were alone with no where to turn.

I was 16 when I was exposed to sexual violence. I was 18 when I married my Abuser. And had a child. That’s when the shoving, getting thrown down stairs, threatened with a towel rack he ripped out of the wall. I told my mother. I had left. She told me to learn to be quite. I had no exposure to social services and had no way out, without a support system. So I stayed. I figured I didn’t have any broken bones or bruises. I guess I felt the same way. A friends mom Mrs. M had to go to hospital with a broken arm caused by my friends dad. Everyone thought no big deal. Mrs m probably deserved it!! Another friends older sister had six kids and her husband was an abuser. Her kids were always living with the grandma. But we didn’t think much about it. That was the way everyone thought about wife beaters. The women were embarrassed, humiliated, financially stretched and there was a stigma to go along with it. No one was sticking up for the victim. So you stayed silent after reaching out and getting no help.

I left several times. First when I was first married and had one child, my son. Once when I had two kids, the youngest being 2 and a half, my mom borrowed money from her sister and bought me a ticket to get to their home in N Y. Leaving my house in California. My ex’s mother was upset that I came home and sent him a plane ticket to come back to NY too. That confused the reason I was back in NY. To leave!! My parents backed off and I wound up returning to California. It didn’t last long. But for a time we became born again Christians and I thought we were going to make it. And we did for awhile. I got pregnant again on birth control. I thought I just didn’t take them correctly, but looking back they probably were not strong enough. And then I got pregnant with twins!!! That was such a disaster. Three kids under 18 months old. That was the beginning of the end.

He got a new job and he made friends with a single dad and his circle of friends. All had kids, but none lived with them. I was home taking care of the five kids. I had been trying to get to community college, but he went first. He eventually lost his job, again. He got a job in LA and I stayed behind and found a job. I had to find day care. Which I found thru a life saving program called childcare network. It paid for all five to a child care provider. The provider made more than me working!

I was going to make it. I couldn’t continue the way it was. By now all the shoving and poking and throwing things had turned into actual physical abuse. I don’t remember when, sometime when the twins were young, maybe babies, it happened that he had me on the floor in a corner kicking me and then he spit on me. I think I remember my oldest daughter jumping on his back to get off me. I don’t remember what I did, where I went, I think I just blocked it out. I didn’t want to call the police because it was so embarrassing. Besides where would I go with five kids. I am sure it wasn’t much after that incident that I didn’t move. He moved to LA and I stayed in our house. I did own a house. That was the only thing that kept me going, a safe place, in a safe neighborhood , with my kids all in the same school. If I hadn’t had my own home and had to find a rental, I never would have survived.

I went to the adult learning center and received my typing certificate. It was an in to a temporary position as a secretary to the dean of students. I was thrilled. I had to get a shorthand certificate for a position as secretary. I did it!!! Hadn’t taken shorthand since High School. The kids were in daycare. The twins and their older sister and the two oldest, my son and daughter went after school. It was a challenge. I had a very old car that the one door didn’t open. Thanks that we didn’t need each in a big car seat. Three in car seats would never had worked. I felt alive. I could have gone on welfare, but my self esteem was low enough from the abuse, I didn’t need to feel even more stigmatized. Besides dealing with the social service system was horrific. I had to deal with them when I was pregnant with twins. He had lost his job. Anyway I was surviving. I did get a loan from my dad to pay the electric bill. Then my dad died.

My mother had already passed away almost three years previous. My dad was helping. He had talked about giving me his house and building another with his girlfriend that I think he planned on marrying. He died, February 19,1979. How could this be happening. I lost my mom when I was 27, and now my dad at 29. He was only 61.

I flew home to NY., with an aunt that had been visiting. I was very upset. Losing both my parents, and me trying to make it on my own. I was an only child, so I didn’t have family or close family.

My fathers brother and wife came to the house. We had the funeral and guests came back to the house, just like we did when my mother died. I was pregnant with the twins when my mother was dying of pancreatic cancer. No one told me because I was pregnant. They told me after they were born and we immediately started to drive in our van across country. The van broke down on the freeway outside of Scottsdale. We called a taxi to pick us up snd take us to nearest hotel. We had to rent two rooms!! We put the van in the shop and flew to NY. We stayed, but ex had a new job, the one where he had all his buddies. So after two weeks we flew back to Arizona, picked up the van and drive back to California. My mother died the next week.

Now my dad. My ex called and said he would be flying in with the kids. He did. He left fir California. I stayed in. Two bedroom, one bath house with me and five kids. I put the oldest two in school. The septic backed up and flooded the basement. The porch fell apart snd I had my first visit to a counselor. I was falling apart. I stayed and took care of business. But I knew I couldn’t do the winters alone with five kids. He wasn’t sending any support, so I had to get back to straighten things out. He thought “she has money from her inheritance, let her support them!!!

I stayed in NY until school was finished in June and had someone drive my dads big van to California. I flew back to our home in California.

Back home, I settled in and signed up fir classes at the community college. I had only been able to take one it two classes up until now. Having a van now and money to attend I was thrilled. I put the twins in the day care center on campus and the older daughter started kindergarten. He moved back to the house from LA where he had been living in an apartment at the really nice Belmont shores.

I thought maybe without the stress of money, things would change. Wrong!! He had a girlfriend, one of the group from his buddies at his last job. It was over a year till I fled fit divorce, but I have no recollection of that year.

One morning getting the kids ready for school and me for classes. He tuned off the dishwasher. When I asked why? He said it wasted to my energy. Meaning I should wash the dishes by hand. An agurment ensued and he kept picking up the dining room heavy oak chairs snd smashing them on the oak table until he cracked the leg. Somehow he got ahold of me snd was holding me firm and punching me. Never in the face. Then he left for work. I am as in a daze? Hysterically crying. I didn’t think he had the nerve to come home, but he did. That’s when I called the police. I wanted him arrested. I wanted him gone. When the police arrived he told them he had no idea what was wrong. Didn’t have a clue. So the cop took ME to county mental health because I was acting crazy!!! On the ride, thrush my tears I showed him my arm that was black and blue from the mornings beating. He waited fir me and took me home and told him to leave. No arrest, no follow up. Just leave.

The next day I filed for divorce and got a restraining order.